No not just every day.. which has been happening lately, but on eicca’s first bday. We had many many people over.. neighbors, friends, lovers (ha ha) etc.. and all was fine.. eicca played much and loved the attention and gifts. then the cake cutting time came.. my friend suggested putting him in the middle of the room in the high chair, so we could all gather around him. We started singing happy bday and fucking hell.-. i lost it.. i just started seriously bawling and couldnt stop. People continued to sing, and i told myself to get a fucking grip, but it just came and came. I heard juha sigh.. or snikker, but it wasnt in a bitchy way.. he was just in awe of me being a mommy.. an overly emotional mommy and i know that melts some people’s heart.. knowing me mostly as an alcoholic bar slut., but still.. i wish i could have stopped the crying. I cant vaguely remember what happened after.. did marco blow out the candle.. fuck if i know.. but i just wanted this written in case i forgot later.. that’s mee..
(((((HUGS))))