Yep, the worst mommy on earth.. just got him all in his winter suit, and stuck a few spoons of fruit in him, ready to go then he pukes everywhere.. where i used to have compassion and feel sad for him, i am not just angry and find myself yelling at him. At a 13 month old, i truely have no heart i guess. I think i am so worn down and beat down there is just no hope for any of us. As for other drs, we tried to get a consult at childresn’s hospital boston, but they wanted 712 dollars for a fucking consult. No fucking wonder america is so fucked up.. no we just stay here in misery and hell.. that’s life.. back to the shit, i am ignoring my oh so wanted child.. what a cunt i am!
No! You are not the worse mommy on earth!… Just wanted to share with you this. I wrote it on May 2008, you may feel so familiar with it. It’s posted at my blog…
“New Schedule
Not everything at our house is beautifully written prose. Not every day is full of good grammar and good fun. Some days I just can’t take it.
Juan Pablo’s circumstances have made the last 11 months more trying than I ever imagined motherhood would be. I feel that I’ve let him down in so many ways, that I’ve not been the partner Ernesto deserves and the mother that Ana needs.
Before you read any further, I want to clarify: this is not a complaint, though I think sometimes we certainly have a lot to complain about. Nor is it an attempt to make it seem like our parenting job is any harder than anyone else’s. I simply don’t believe in competitive parenting. No matter how difficult Juan Pablo’s medical situation can be, we are both always grateful to have our grinning, goofy kid in our lives. But, some days, I do cry over spilled milk.
At least once a day, feeding Juan Pablo is a battle. I have to hold one or both of his little hands firmly in my hand and put the spoon in his lips. If he’s remotely cooperative, he’ll eat. And talking about giving him the bottle, just won’t hapen, so I give his milk by seringe.
This eating problem and reflux make parenting un-fun every time we sit down to eat. Ernesto and I enjoy good food. Yet, we fight daily with our baby to get him to eat. I worry that he’ll never enjoy a gastronomical experience the way we do, that he’ll associate eating with her mommy’s distress and anger. This is not something that goes away overnight, as normal as we work to make our lives feel and appear.
How many of my dear readers have to feed their kids this way? How many of you clean up vomit daily, after watching your kid bring it up in a painful, violent manner—we’re not talking stomach flu, we’re talking violent retching. We’re talking about the body basically rebelling. And then, the kid smiles when it’s over. He’s truly amazing. Do you have any idea how hard this is if I don’t tell you? Consider this a reality check, sent with love and gratitude that you’ve read this far.
Well… I just finished giving him dinner, just put him into bed praying that bananas stay in his stomach.
Juan Pablo has been eating less and vomiting more, so I changed his schedule to the following, hoping that works.
05.30 Reflux meds.
06.00 4 oz of hypoallergenic formula
08.00 One 2nd stage fruit gerber mixed with cereal
11.00 4 oz of hypoallergenic formula
13.30 Reflux meds.
14.00 One 2nd stage meat and veggies gerber
17.30 Reflux meds.
18.00 One 2nd stage fruit gerber mixed with cereal
21.00 4 oz of hypoallergenic formula
Plus, he drinks 8 oz. of water during the day.
Martinis, anyone?”