Archive for June, 2007

Hi everyone, or anyone who is reading this. We are in Oregon today and had the ultra sound yesterday. Lots of tears. I asked the doctor to please turn the screen cause I didn’t want to see if there was no heartbeat anymore.

 Then I just lost it. I really didn’t mean to , but I just couldn’t bear the thought of it not being okay AGAIN.

So he did it, and there it was beating at 166 bpm, and still strong.

We were so happy. We KNOW things can still go wrong, but the chances are less again now.

We decided to skip the 600 dollar u/s in San Francisco. It just seems ridiculious and if there is something wrong, or IF it has stopped growing or living, we will find out about it when we get back to Oregon in 3.2 week. Then I SHOULD be 11w 2 d.

 Till then, we will enjoy our family and friends. Have my 30th birthdday and our 9 year wedding anniversary and just relax ( yeah right ) and hope it all goes well.

Thanks for listening..



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Hi everyone. I had a few big blood wipes last sunday. It’s now Thursday and the spotting has finally stopped, but it’s been a scary few days. We are with family, who don’t have a clue what we are going through mentally, and that’s tough, but I dont wanna get anyone’s hopes up.

Tomorrow is our ultra sound. We SHOULD be 7w 5 days. Let’s hope all is okay!

thanks and have a nice summer!


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I wish you all a lovely summer, and lots of BFPs and STICKY ones.. I hope to still be PUPO when I return.. if not.. let’s see.

Take care,



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9 Random Facts About Me: ( I saw this on someone else’s blog, thought it was cute.. sorry)

1) I speak Dutch ( or used to speak Dutch pretty damn good when I lived in Holland, but now.. eh.. I understand and read it pretty well still.. I think, and some broken Finnish.

2) I’ve seen Bridges of Madison county a million times and cry everytime. It’s not a very ‘gothy girl’ movie, so that’s kinda sad.

3) I love pretty boys. I’ve always had weak spots for beautiful men.. certainly not the mel gibson, tom ( mini me ) cruise types.. but the River Phoenix, Johnathan rhys-meyers, mikko lindström ( guitar god from HIM) , Julian Sands, Keifer sutherland in lost boys… nice!!.. hmm..

4) My favorite foods are crappy American snack crackers that we can’t get here 😦 Like cheese-its, wheat thins, those vegetable cracker thingys. I also LOVE reeses’s pieces.

5) I had an answer for 5, but like many things lately, I just can’t remember.. that pisses me off damn it!!

6) I bake some mean cakes… they don’t always look nice, but they taste tits. (Where did that come from.. something good is ‘tits’?? strange.. okay whatever

7) I have too many favorite bands to name, but have seen HIM about 20 times. And, although I’ve only seen Depeche Mode once, they were AMAZING, and are up there in the top 5 bands. But, I also love, NIck Cave, She wants revenge, NIN, The Smiths, The Cure, Liz Phair, Siouxie… Bowie and so forth…

8) I hate traveling. I’ve been lucky enough to have traveled a lot, but still, the idea of it all is very tiring.. bemoeind actually( a Dutch-ish word i made up meaning tiring; actual word should be vermoeind) but I like my version better.

9) Last year I made out with 5 girls. Being a ‘bi curious’ chicky that was quite a year. Also, it was the first time I ever kissed a girl, so it just rolled from there.. Big man sure enjoyed the show those few ’em.. drunken’ times 🙂

And just so you don’t have to Google HIM to look for my beloved Mikko.. here he is:


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Yeah sorry that was so short. I was in the middle of something, but wanted to post. I checked my settings topcat, and I don’t have it on private, so that is weird! At last you can click on it from the blogroll I hope. Thank you too serentity for the positive words. You guys really rock, and I feel so lucky to have people reading and caring about me when I don’t even know you.

I know we all have the same struggle, and we all feel the same pain. Even now I have yet to really experience the joy of pregnancy. I am too damn scared. If we make it to 8.5 weeks, then I will feel so much more relieved. I know it isn’t the holy answer grail, but it’s something.

After spending so much time phoning everywhere in Portland and Sf, Ca where we will be on our journey, we do have 3 u/s scheduled. One is next week when we are 7w 5 d I hope. The next will be the hardest to wait for, at 9w 4d on our 9 year wedding anniversary.

Fuck, if we find out on that day that we lost another one, it will be so hard. I know, i know, think positive.. but the reason we are waiting 2 weeks in between instead of my die hard one week in between, is because we are paying outta pocket and it’s ( hold on to your panties.. ) 600 dollars!! no shitting! That’s for the vaginal u/s, and  being a big girl, I figure I will need that. The above belly one is 400, so let’s just see.

Baby steps ( no pun intended ) first we have to make it to the states. Then we have to make it to our 7w 5 day apt, next Friday. Then,  not breathe for 2 weeks, and hope things are progressing nicely and hopefully they will… that’s all then.

I dunno if I can update this when we are gone. I know I’d love to update at least the u/s and of course if there is bad news.. I will need lots of lovin’.

Take care to everyone who reads this, and I wish not only for your BFPs soon, but also no worries and stress those first few week. Let’s say first 8.5 weeks for prosperity’s sake. 🙂

Have a great summer and I hope to have nothing, but good things to say in a month!!



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6w4d hb seen etc..

SO, we have another beating day.. 119, dr said very strong, thanks for all the support! I will write more before we go on holiday, byeee


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That’s basically it. Right now life is slow. I have my 2nd u/s tomorrow, for a better measurement ( should be 6w 4 d ) let’s hope all is okay, heart still beating etc..

Till then, we have scheduled one u/s while in the states at 7w 5 days then if there is a hb there a week of breath holding until the next one at 8w4 days.

I just hope it all goes okay. One place we emailed about getting and u/s said that they thought it was great we saw one already at 6w1d and should come back at 20 weeks.!!!

What the hell?? I mean hello, I am American, but I live here, and I thought americans were all big on u/s and checking etc.. suddenly i hear that no, I am the one being paranoid. Well, fuck me, but since that miscarriage 2 years ago, I HAVEN’T been pregnant. I haven’t even been close, and have been through SO MUCH ( mentally and treatments and financially etc.. ) so FUCK OFF!! 20 weeks!

Man, I was mad. I mean she said it so bitch too.. ‘ regina I don’t know what kind of reassurance you expect by seeing the ultrasound every week, but in this time of your life you need to have faith’

What a load of hoey! I mean I have ‘some’ faith, but will have MORE faith if I can see that everything is still progressing passed 8.5 weeks. I mean last time I made it to 9.5 with not a change in symptoms or sign or ANYTHING that it was over. It was just over. Period.

So, YEAH I need that confirmation, SORRY if that makes me unusual– then again, I am used to being the unusual one in the room 🙂

Will update tomorrow, then off to the states for 5 weeks on Saturday. Hope to hear back from everyone when I get back.


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