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Archive for October, 2007

Hi everyone.. this is a long one, so bare with me…

Lemmie get this off my chest then i can go on and be human.. ๐Ÿ™‚ To start off, dh’s dad and mom divorced like 15 years ago. Dh’s dad has always been ill, cancer, muscle disease etc.. but is overall a nice guy. He has always however harbored BIG hate feelings towards dh’s bi***y mom who left him when he got the 2nd cancer diagnosis for another man..

So, because of this hatred, he said he couldn’t come to our wedding.. but then a few years ago he started ‘seeing’ this lady.. this witch of a cow 100x worse than dh’s mom. We never liked her- let’s call her els and dh’s dad thanks her for ‘saving his life’, although i should point out, els is married. Her husband is living most of the week in a home where he has regressed to a 5 year old.

We always get to hear what a little sh** her man is and they ( dh’s dad and els talk about this man like he is the biggest idiot, which hurts me to the core ) this man gave els the best years of his life and in turn she is with dh’s lonely and less bitter dad ( so lesss that he took els to dh’s brother’s wedding 4 years ago.. cause els gave him strength ..

So, we had a miscarriage 2 years ago. This isn’t a secret and still is painful and horrible to think about. Of course we told the family after it happened, something i still think was a mistake to tell dh’s family because well.. .els and his mom are both cows.. nuff said..

Anyway.. when we were 17 weeks we told his family and his mom, bro and dad ALL asked if it was okay. I mean why would we tell if we were having a sick baby, or if it wasn’t viable or whatever.. not congrats first.. but IS IT OKAY??! Fine..

Skip to the passed few weeks. Dh’s dad calls about 2 times a week, but the passed week he has been asking when I will be home cause els wants to talk to me. I told dh that he knows we dont like her and it’s best if he can deflect those calls, cause i already talked to her at length at the beginning and all was okay and that was the end of it. I also talked to her at length when we miscarried, which i felt helped her more than us.. but whatever..

So, tonight dh asks him why does she wanna talk to me, and his dad said, you know normal stuff, woman’s stuff, wants to know how it is etc.. dh said fine, as usual etc.. then i heard els get on the phone.. she asked where i was, when i was coming home etc.. then i heard her ask how things were, dh said fine, then he got really quiet and i couldnt hear what she said.

She freakin’ asked him..ยดI mean with the miscarriage and all, how are things really going?’ He got even quieter then i heard him say bye to his dad.

When he told me what she said I was so f’ing mAd! I still am. I mean firstly this happened to US.. not her, and 2ndly why must it be thrown in our face 2 freaking years after it happened.. and especially when we are 24 weeks pregnant NOW??

M will write his dad a letter tomorrow and tell him that we aren’t comfortable with her, and that kind of questioning is just not cool, but what do you think? I mean should there be more said? M hates to rock boats and especially since his dad is always fragile.. but this is too much. We know this els’s daughter has a crappy marriage, do we ask about that? No.. so what to do??

thanks for listening.. man i hate her right now!!

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Had my 24 wk update with the private doctor we love. It was great. She confirmed that it is indeed a boy, and a healthy one at that ๐Ÿ™‚ He wasn’t cooperating with pictures at all and kept his hands on top of his head, but we got some nice feet and hand as well as penis shots….put em together and you’ve got our baby ๐Ÿ™‚

Next u/s will be at 28 weeks and she will ‘try’ to get the 3D machine. There is only one in our town and it’s over 300 dollars for that kind, but she was going to ask if she can use it for training ๐Ÿ™‚ Let’s hope.

He’s also 600 grams which is about 1 lb 3 ounces so right on target. Sooo happy to see the little guy moving around.. even IF i can’t really feel him. She also said not to worry, it can take up to 28 weeks or longer because of the front placenta. But, we are still so excited and just happy that he is measuring okay and looking great!

All the best to everyone!
~r

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I am working on my thesis at the moment and my final seminar was canceled today. I love my tutoring teacher, he is just a great, cool guy. One that really listens and believes in reading as much as you can to learn, not just one single author or topic. He has always been just a great person.

I heard from my opponent he was out all week,and i couldn’t get a hold of him at all. Then this morning he phoned me. He explained he couldn’t come to my seminar today and if I could go there and tell the others it was canceled. I recently told him I was pregnant and remember so clearly when I was pregnant the first time over 2 years ago, HE was one person I WANTED to tell, but didn’t. In hindsight since that baby didn’t make it passed 9 weeks, I am glad I didn’t say much to anyone, but still.. that’s how this teacher means to me.

He explained to me that he is fine and healthy, but that his wife died on Tuesday. I immediately burst into tears. I just didn’t expect that. I can’t imagine it. He opened up ( which is strange for a Finn) that she died of cancer and it was expected, and that they had over 30 years together. He did seem sad though that he was here when she died, and she was about 3 hrs away in their hometown with their daughter.

I never asked or understood why he lives here all week and goes home just on the weekends, especially I think of that knowing how sick she must have been.

I just felt sad all day. I walked a lot, no music needed. The weather is chilly and nice at about 32’F and just crisp and clear. A nice day for thinking. A day for really appreciating what we have.

I look at my husband, and think of all we have been through, not just this infertility. That has been a big part. An unexpected part, a part that isn’t over, even if I am pregnant NOW, and think of how many years we could have left. I think of all those people in unhappy relationships- wasting time I always think. I think of those people who never get to find love at all, and how lucky those of us are who have love in our life.

All in all, I think of Ismo and his family.ย  I’d like everyone to know how lucky they are, and to just look around and look at that.. even if it isn’t your ideal world. It’s yours and you are the only one who can change it.

I am obsessed with Nick Cave’s cd, No more shall we part. I think that says enough. There are songs on there, like love letter and I sat sadly by her side that are just heavenly.

Take care everyone and enjoy your weekend.

~~ regina 23wks 1 day pregnant

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OH MY GODDESS!!

Hi there,

Had the ob apt today, fucking hell I gained 6.6 lbs in 4 weeks. How the fuck is that possible? I have gained about 10 lbs so far, which isnt’ bad that I am half way, but being ‘obese’ i should only gain 15 lbs total, so how the fuck is that supposed to work eh?

ALso, she helped make my birth plan.. oh fuck me. i mean firstly one dr she said would do the epidural with the tattoo the other won’t and we of course don’t know who we get that day i go into labor.. yippee..

Then the apisiotomy thing.. you GOTTA tell me those been there done that people..ย  how did youย  it.. did you have the epidurals did you get cut or tear ( fucking hell! ) and i wonder how people do this whole baby thing.

I was totally not stressing the birth.. till today.. there is just too much info.. HELP!

gonna go, write soon

p.s. walked 6 miles today!

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