Archive for December, 2007

I hope everyone had a lovely xmas etc.. we had 5 days together, no killing. Big man got the pleasure of shaving me, which is just fine. Not even too itchy yet, and it’s been 3 days! He enjoyed that way too much, but hasn’t paid much attention to it since the initial shaving, so I guess the novelty has worn off.

We exchanged some small gifts, and did some things in Pupo’s room. I’ve been counting kicks and usually get about 10 within 45 min in the evenings which is good. I am worried still every minute that something will go wrong, especially since he is already almost 34 weeks. But, I have to have more patience and faith….

Today was my official last day of any kind of work. I made the last few interview calls for my company and I am really free.  I know I still have much to do, we have washed pretty much everything, and will sort it out this weekend.. big man has 4 days off.

I have also started having my perineum massaged. Can I just say- ouch, not comfortable, not relaxing, not sexual.. not pleasant etc.. Fuck, it’s annoying. I just focus on a spot in the corner and instinctively do some deep ‘lamaze’ like breathing. It seems to help, but most of the time I end up laughing and can’t stop. Big man compared me to one of my favorite sexy men, Johnny Knoxville. Apparently Johnny K also laughs when he is in pain.. fuck it hurts!

I am still walking, and have tried to do about 2 miles a day, which is tough, especially cause it gets so hot in the room, but I take breaks.

Also, I’ve been drinking the raspberry tea for about 2 weeks, and will start the primrose capsules in a week or so, orally. Dunno if I want anything up the hoo hoo or noonie right now.. especially after that damn massage.

Things in general are good, but I am impatient and bored. I will start making some foodies to freeze soon.. i think i’ve been saying that for weeks, but I should start sometime.

How will I ever get through to January.. green grass in Northern finland, almost doesn’t seem possible.. but it’s true. The roads are slick ice rinks and I dare venture outside at all, but at least I try to be positive 🙂

All the best to everyone.. just 6 weeks to go! Hang in there pupo!!


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Hi everyone,

We had a nice apt yesterday. Pupo is measuring at exactly 33 weeks and 2 kilos, about 4.25 lbs. We really just want him here though… I am not the most patient person under any circumstances and this is REALLY testing my patience.

I  am a member of a board where others are due in Feb, and I swear I must be the most ‘normal’ of them all.

They have and I kid you not:

Already dialated
Have had bad contractions
Nipple leakage
Had their water break
Lost their mucus plug

and a million other tasty things.. me on the other hand.. NOTHING. I feel perfectly fucking fine. I’m not complaining and wonder why some women DO so fucking much.

I’ve said from the beginning if it wasn’t from seeing that ultra sound and hearing his heartbeat I wouldn’t even feel THAT different. I mean  now I can’t walk as fast and turning over in bed has become our nightly joke. I’m like the little boy in the Christmas Story when he’s all bundled up ( like a tick about to pop I think is how he discribes his brother ) and falls down on the way to school. and he can’t get up.

He yells.. i can’t get up, i can’t get up.. I kinda feel like that little kid 🙂

My winter coat still fits, although it hasn’t allowed me to sit down whilst wearing it in about 15 weeks, but hey.. so I’m the flashing lady in the bus.. big woop, wanna fight about it!

Tonight is my baby shower. Finns don’t really DO baby showers, but my friend Sari really wanted to do something, so tonight 9 women are coming over. I hope I know all of them: I didn’t even think 9 woman gave a shit about me and here they are.. coming over and I don’t have to do dick. I feel so weird about that. No cooking.. no arranging drinks or cute decorations.. all my gothy Martha Stewart skills are being stiffled today.

Good thing I still have a bad cold and don’t FEEL like doing dick either!

M and I have nicely planned our sushi xmas dinner, and he’s really looking to the weekend when he gets 5 days off. I hope we don’t kill eachother. He promised to watch Love Actually ( I LOVE LOVE that movie ) with me.. but then again, I might have to suffer through any number of the Lord of the Rings movies… ug ! Sorry, I really don’t like those.. even though my dear man has tattoos of the text and he is the world’s greatest reader of those books since he was a little boy in that tiny Dutch village… I stillll.. HAAATE it.. Fuck!

Hmm.. that’s about it. We have no white xmas planned. It’s been warm about 35’+ for weeks and in case I forgot to update weeks ago, we’ve had green springy grass and icy streets only for about 2 weeks. It’s a bitch to walk in and darker than hell, but that is winter sometimes in Finland. Not always mounds of snow and jingling sleigh bells we all hope for.

I will update you someday on the baby shower stuff.. I am curious what it will be like. I’d be good with just chocolate, but I suppose they want to get stuff for the baby, who we are now thinking about naming Iian. After the amazing Ian Curtis of Joy Division.. We are torn between Iian and Eicca.. Oh a place to be.

That’s all for now.. take care one and all, and merry merry where ever you are.

Love ya lots.. and please make the next 7 weeks fly by.. I don’t think my little heart can make it … any way to get him out sooner, but still healthy??… I didn’t think so. arg..

take care
regina, marco and pupo

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Yes, it’s almost here, but not soon enough. I am about 31+ weeks now and things still seem to be okay. I had another 3 hr diabetes test and scored 104 on the morning fast, which should be under 95. Then i got this machine to test at home and it was saturday 96, and sunday 92, and then today 89, so pretty fine.

I went to the midwife for my regular apt Monday my official weight gain is now 20lbs since the 10th week or so, so not too bad. She gave me all this shit about GD, which of course I DO NOT HAVE; but being obese, not overweight at a size 14ish, and having a family history makes me just automatically send up fucking flags.

She acknowledged that I do not have the diabetes… yet and thank goodness we are going to our IVF dr every few weeks for ultra sounds, otherwise if they based everything at the midwife on that damn tape measure, I’d be having a 12 lb baby by now. Thankfully that probably isn’t the case thanks to ultra sound measurements, of which next week we will have a new one.

I still live every single day in fear that he won’t come. I fear that it’s just all a dream and not happening for us, as much as I want this more than I can say. 6 years of infertility has damaged me, and as serenity now mentioned, we do carry some baggage.

I can read all the magazines, look at my belly and even feel him sometimes, but to me that is no guarantee that he is going to be here, alive and healthy. I looked at the stats, about 4.8 in 1,000 end in still birth in Finland. That is half of what happens in the states, where it’s 1 in 115, but still… still still.. i want that guarantee that my baby will be okay!

Of course I can just remain hopeful and people around me are all getting pregnant. Including my ex-boss and his wife, and I thought he was gay and the wife was just a beard.. but go figure, they are due in March. My brother and his wife are expecting a little girl in April, that they hopefully won’t curse with the name London Lee, for fuck’s sake doesnt that sound like a porn star’s name??

But, still each day trickles by… oh so fucking slowly and I read and walk and watch  Sex and the city.. yet again and try to relax and not feel xmasy at all unfortunately.. but hopefully soon this baby will come into our lives and change our world.

We have so many hopes for him. So many dreams.. and i can hardly let myself dream. I am asked all the time am i worried about depression or the labor, and honestly-NO. I just want him out and here and healthy and the rest will fall into place. That may sound so strange to some, those out there who ‘assume’ it will all just go okay, because it just does.. but i can’t help, but say, I HOPE it all goes okay. I HOPE my baby will make it, and I hope I will be a good mother to him.. because I so dearly want the chance.

Thanks for listening to me babble.. nite nite..

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