Archive for May, 2008

Hi again, I realized that any sense of being anonymous on the net is truly futile. Simply typing in our baby’s name leads EVERYONE to this blog, and also to our past struggles to get and stay pregnant. I suppose that isn’t such a bad thing, although we will never go into details about our treatments openly to friends and family… all the details are just here.. on this blog. It’s funny really. Because we didn’t really hide the fact we had problems, and in fact I believe that people doing IVF or IUIs especially in the public eye ( which we are not ) should be open about it, but we just chose not to add any additional pressure with talking to our families about retrievals and transfers and defrosting and finally period getting despair. Those things we decided to keep to ourselves and if we ever got pregnant, could then share with the world.. I think that if we ever do this all again, we will keep it the same way.

There is already so much hope and faith that goes into each treatment and cycle, and the added pressure of family and friends hoping and crossing their fingers only to hear another cycle failed is just too much to bear.

Now that being said, things are going okay. We are just 90g or 3.5 ounces away from doubling Eicca’s birth weight at 4 months 1 day old. That is VERY good. We’ve been using some Fantomalt, which adds 20 calories per scoop to help fatten him up a bit, but still his feeding sessions are a bit poor at best.

He has taken to solids and when he is in the mood, he really enjoys rice cereal, prunes and avocado, but takes them mainly once a day, even though we try twice a day.

Eicca has also found and has fallen in love with his hands which he eats constantly. We aren’t sure if he is teething yet.. but it could be close. He is so vocal now, laughing outloud and smiling all the time, except when eating of course. which is a bit sad.

Other than that having him is still the BEST thing that has ever happened to us all.

Wishing you all a wonderful spring and please send positive continuing to gain weight vibes. I’ve only cried once this week during a flat out refusal at noon, but i am working on it.



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Reading an infertile’s blog and having her complain her daughter, gorgeous newborn wasn’t latching on.. and thinking to myself.. what a selfish bitch. I mean here she is with this gorgeous baby, which I will never have and she’s bitching about feeding.. oh my apologies go out to her.

My precious son still isn’t succeeding in the feeding section of his life. He is steadily gaining weight and at his 15 wk apt was 5kg, or 11lbs, which is good considering he was born at 2.680kg, but every feeding session is hell.

I cry daily usually around 12 when he flat our refuses now pushing the bottle away. We’ve been on zantac , which only made him drink less, now on losec for 9 days and at least he isn’t vomiting as much and sleeping MUCH better, but the amount.. the amount is about 75% of his daily ‘requirement’ and he just hates each session.

We’ve introduced solids last week. He seemed to do ok with carrots and potato mix. We were desperate. If you see your child flat out refuse food for 5-7 hrs and you offer bottle after wasted formula filled bottle, it’s tough.

I decided to stop pumping at 14 weeks. I was going to pump the whole day..my period came that morning the first since giving life to this angel.. and i stopped. The stress of pumping 50ml or 2 ounces about, every 3 hrs plus everytime he refused a bm bottle, i’d feel it was SUCH a waste, cause I got so little for him, just made it all too difficult. Not to mention the 1hr+ it took me every nite to feed him, plus pump then try to get back to sleep not disturbing big man, who gets daily crying calls from me, and really needs to actually work sometimes so we can buy all the damn formula.

We go back fri for a stomach ultrasound and an ekg and then we will see if he can try different medication for reflux, but not before he gets a few more tests. I really hate putting him on any medicine, but the sessions are tedious and exhausting for us all. I just want to enjoy the spring.. and my little man, our miracle baby.. but we can’t. It’s just too damn hard to take him out, and fear missing a session.. then the eats nothing that day!

Help!! No one can help apparently…it’s so tough!

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This has beena week from hell for Eicca. Today hours of crying and non-eating. The liquid zantac he has been on for 8 days for reflux seems to do more harm than good, and he flat out refused food today. It’s fucking heartbreaking. My morning spent on the floor next to him crying isn’t how I imagined my life with this gorgeous boy.

We even called the hosptial today, a desperate measure as I hate that place and thankfully we could speak to someone who told us to stop the zantac ( even though we were supposed to try it for 2 weeks ) and to give him some pain meds in case he has some bad paid because the reflux.

It’s a bitch though, cause all those days at the hospital exactly 4 weeks ago, and no one checked out the food allergy or reflux. We go back next friday and see the speech therapist again, and hopefully she has some suggestions, although to be honest, what we have read and we’ve read a LOT, it seems to just be gastric reflux that simply requires medication… some medication that works that is. We have a prescription to try something else, will do that tomorrow.. let’s just hope we all can get through tonight!

He has finally stopped crying and resolved himself to sleep, at least until we are forced to wake him again, for food because he fucking doesn’t reach his 30ounces a day not by a long shot!

I know most of you don’t have kids or give a shit, but when you are as alienated as we are here, you have to vent where you can!

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