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Archive for January, 2009

Blog Control Center View My Blog MySpace Blog Blog Home My Subscriptions My Readers My Preferred List ~ Mommy Regina ~ Today Week Total Posts Comments Views Kudos My Controls Post New Blog View Blog Customize Blog Blog Safe Mode Blog Groups Browse Blog Groups Create Blog Group Confirm Blog Posting Here is the display of your blog posting. Click the button below to confirm and post. Date: Jan 30, 2009 more weight loss.. another week bites the dust.. So.. eicca is down to 9kg and i can feel his ribs and even his diapers are getting too big. this is heartbreaking and there are still no answers. He seems so anxious in the high chair.. he has refused everything , but a few bites of fruit each day.. We are slowing making peace with the idea of a stomach feeding tube.. but the drs are still 100% against it.. I wonder why when eicca is just slowly loosing himself.. this is hell. I sit alone in the hospital room day and night and marco tends to our life. Our pets, his job ( our only means of paying bills ) and even our grocery shopping as we must bring in our own food here.. None of that fucking matters as eicca isnt doing well. He just simply isnt doing well at all, and there is no other way to put it. We will talk with the drs on monday, but we can’t really stand to see him loose more.. the drs are all against the stomach tube, but we are seeing no other option besides going back to force feeding him again.. Oh the pain.. today the shrink asked me, who takes care of you?? It was sad, because no one does.. marco is great, but he has been at work most of the time, and i am here, sad and miserable feelign that he is just withering away.. No answers for months. almost a year.. and now i feel worse than ever!! Another weekend trapped here.. at least i go home tomorrow to pay bills.. yippe.. take care

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bawled like a baby

No not just every day.. which has been happening lately, but on eicca’s first bday. We had many many people over.. neighbors, friends, lovers (ha ha) etc.. and all was fine.. eicca played much and loved the attention and gifts. then the cake cutting time came.. my friend suggested putting him in the middle of the room in the high chair, so we could all gather around him. We started singing happy bday and fucking hell.-. i lost it.. i just started seriously bawling and couldnt stop. People continued to sing, and i told myself to get a fucking grip, but it just came and came. I heard juha sigh.. or snikker, but it wasnt in a bitchy way.. he was just in awe of me being a mommy.. an overly emotional mommy and i know that melts some people’s heart.. knowing me mostly as an alcoholic bar slut., but still.. i wish i could have stopped the crying. I cant vaguely remember what happened after.. did marco blow out the candle.. fuck if i know.. but i just wanted this written in case i forgot later.. that’s mee..

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Today was ok.. Eicca is nearly a year old, and such a gorgeous 9.7 kg boy! Just so sweet and wonderful to everyone.. the MRI showed everything was totally normal, as were the genetic tests  ( no russel silver and no catch 22 ) and the neurologists check up. They decided that eicca will come in next week  for at least a week, then get to come home for his bday on the 25th.. at least!But that the nurses will feed him, and if he refuses.. then he refuses,he is there, under observation and if it gets bad at least he is there.I will suffer the most, being there all day, of course. Marco will goto work, plus there is a Volbeat concert with the guys on thur the 22nd, that Marco is dying to go to..  so iwill be there 24/7 myself, which sucks, but that’s life and it’s for my little man.

The drs seem confident since everything has been checked and there are no genetic problems, or brain or any other that we will get through this.

Thenurses will feed him and the speech therapist will be there, but i amnot allowed to be there for the feeds itself.. at least not till he iseating a bit more normally.

They also said we wont be thereforever, not even a month, so at least that is something.. i know iwill suffer for 2 weeks, selfish bitch i am.. but hopefully he willlearn to be hungry..who knows.. we can only hope their ideas work, andthat’s that.

Okay everyone, its been a LONG  few days.. when the putthe iv in his foot after trying his hand twice he cried so hard myheart and eyes just broke.. i cried non stop… it’s just been all soemotional.. The sheer pain and fear screaming out of him was enough to make your heart break.But our little trouper was out of anestheisa in less than 30min.

love you all  much and thank you for the never-ending support.

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