Archive for the ‘BFP’ Category

So, its a new year, and where can i start.  Firstly, the defrosting of 6 embryos resulted in just 2. Seriously just 2 and they have a defrosting rate of 80% and that broke my fucking heart. How can we loose 4 really good looking embryos? In any case the 2 beautiful embryos that were transferred were enough and surprise surprise.. stuck! We are now 20 weeks pregnant with twins! Yep.. twins.. and for those of you on facebook.. no open congrats please, as we are planning on surprising the shit out of our friends by posting birth pictures.. so SHHHHH.

I’m doing fine. Lots of vomiting and nausea for about 17 weeks, even while walking to town, had to stop to puke a few times, which in -10’F weather isn’t ideal, but eh.. what can you do?

Our angel eicca.. oh he is learning so much, but alas his weight isnt increasing. He will be 2 in a few weeks, 2 weeks and he has gained exactly one pound all year! It’s heartbreaking and we just don’t know what to do, but he is starting to feed himself a bit. He even ate tortilla chips at a restaurant over xmas and enjoyed a bit of sushi rice from our traditional Christmas sushi, so there is ‘some’ improvement.

Last week was hard, after the weigh in i took him back to daycare where there were 2 new kids, a 14 mo old and an 18 month old both giant tanks of children. Walking, and enormous. I came home and cried and cried.  Then when i picked him up at 3 and they said he didnt eat a bite all day, i for the first time in months got very angry with him and threw his food. It’s shameful, it’s been MONTHS since i’ve let myself get THAT upset with him.

He cried and cried and when i picked him up he just hugged me. the biggest hug ever and didnt let me go.. i’m a crap mom. I just want my boy to be healthy. that’s all i ever wanted, for this amazing creature who is my whole world. I just break thinking of him, not being what he can be because of his infantile anorexia.

And thoughts go to the twins and how they might be like this too, and how oh how will i survive? I know i can, i have to, but how is the question i have now. Not to mention i have read on my multiples board of people loosing one twin and then the so very touching and well acted desperate housewives episode 6, 11 where lynette looses one twin. The whole scene was brilliantly done. From the feelings she goes through when she imagines him disabled, to the look on her face when he asks for a sandwhich, to he r wanting to pick up the mostard.. it was a very well played scene, only to end in her hearing the baby was lost. Just heartbreakingly well done.

We also gave our beloved puppy, well, 6 year old black lab, mikko to a loving family. They live far in the south but they are in their late 20s, no kids in a big house and have lots of love and time to give. We have neglected the sweet dog enough, and although he was eicca’s best buddy, we know it’s for the best, for mikko could not get the attention he deserves now, and it would be even less when the twins arrive.

We have had some mixed reactions to the announcement of the twins.  Some people are elated, some eh.. not so much. My aunt had the audacity to tell my mom that i must have ‘done something’ as twins don’t just happen, even though her own son and his gf had twins when they were just 19 years old…that just happened.. but we are not open with out fertility treatments,maybe never will be, and that is our choice, but the fact that she planted that seed. bitch. Not to mention she hasnt come out to congratulate us, on fb, or email or otherwise, nor have her daughters, my cousins. Big man’s brother too, hasn’t been jumping for joy.. and it makes me laugh really. All these not too jubilant  people live millions of miles away in california or holland and really their lives have been hardly effected by the arrival of eicca, and won’t be too disturbed by the twins, so what the fuck gives? why cant we just be happy for family’s sake?

That’s all right now in a nutshell. I have my big ultra sound on the 13th. Would love to find out the sexes and see that they are both okay. I’m getting huge, already gained 10kg, or 22lbs and i gained just 12kgthe whole pregnancy with eicca, but eh.. what can i do.

take are all of you, few people reading this.. take care!


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6w4d hb seen etc..

SO, we have another beating day.. 119, dr said very strong, thanks for all the support! I will write more before we go on holiday, byeee


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Imagine her and OUR surprise when saw a freaking heartbeat!! No shitting, at 6w1 or 2 day there it was beating at 107 bpm. I just want to say thank you all for the kind words.

Honestly, laying there I felt like she was examining someone else. It didn’t feel like my body that had this little beating hear inside. I know we are NOT out of the woods yet, but it feels good to be positive.

Afterwards she was saying she was so surprised to see the hb this early. We will go back on Thursday morning to get a better measurement and hopefully still see that heart beating.

From now on we live week by week. We leave for the 4 weeks trip to the states on Monday. So, it will be heard to be going to various hospitals and places for ultra sounds, hoping for good news each time. Knowing that we just have to get to at least 8.5 weeks to feel a bit of relief.

It just feels so unreal. It  feels like I can hopefully start sleeping. I just want to be excited, but at the same time feel this can all be taken away from us just like that! I know keep only happy thoughts. I will try by darnedest.  Thank you so much again and I will update asap.


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You won’t believe it…

I know I didn’t. The dr called, like 3 fucking hours later than she said.. and said well….. you are definitely pregnant. I burst out in tears. I couldn’t believe my ears. She said it was 242 and normal was 220 at the same time, so enjoy and congratulations.

I told her about my lack of symptoms and she said because of the pussy pops, that it’s possible that my body is just used to some extra hormones and will react later. So… for now.. I am still PUPO, or pregnant.. but let’s keep the fingers and toes and even legs crossed till the first ultra sound on the 20th.

Thanks for all the positive thoughts!!! I really know they helped!!!!


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14dp2dt pics

Now what??test 4

test 5

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