Archive for the ‘FET’ Category

We are very happy and proud to say after 11 long years, our family it totally complete. Our twins, each over 5lbs were born the 6th of May after 2 looong weeks at the hospital due to some pre-eclampsia issues. I wasnt actually diagnosed, as i had no protein in the urine, but my bp was over the top, i was so uncomfortable, had a horrible uti, the worst nurses ever and just was done being pregnant.

The c-section went fine, recovery has been okay, but i pretty much had to leave on day 4, because the nurses’ behavior, from refusing me pain meds, to making me get my own food the day after the section to force feeding my baby girl by dumping the bottle of milk without a nipple into her mouth while she gasped for air, was just too much.

Home is hectic. Eicca is a busy busy 2+ year old, and the twins are more ‘normal’ as in they get hungry. It takes a while to feed them our girl is quite small, but they are drinking slowly and just amazing to have in our lives.

Years ago, i thought we would never have a family. I could never have fathomed that we’d have 3 children after all the treatments we have been through. It has been a wonderful and scary journey and it will continue so.

Having kids makes you so stressed, you worry about everything, i know i cant predict the future, nor can i protect them from everything, but its the most amazing thing in the world.

For those of you reading this, going through any kind of infertility treatment or considering it, i have no doubt in my mind that treatments work. All three of these children are all products of FET or frozen embryo transfers. The twins from the same batch as our son. it CAN happen, but it can only happen if you arent too scared to try.

I just heard a friend of ours that has been trying for 7 years, just found out her husband has no sperm and bam they are giving up. NEVER NEVER NEVER give up! We have been through hell and back with feeding disorders and hospitals and illness and infertility and man, i’ve wanted to give up more than i wanted to go on… but you can’t. If you ultimate goal is a family, get that family! Adoption is a wonderful option, donor sperm-egg etc. so many options in the amazing world.

We are not rich, we are simple people, with a house for sale for 5 months, and no bites, and 2 unemployed parents ( although one of us is a dr now 🙂 a son with severe feeding issues ( still ) and no family for millions of miles, but we have hope. Not religion, not any special pills, but wine does help!

I hope someone just one person gets inspired to continue forward, because i am living proof that you can get your family of your dreams!

take care everyone and updates someday.



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Huge does not describe how I am. I am enormous, and tired and as of tomorrow have just 3 weeks until my planned c-section on the 10th of May. I can’t wait to meet these babies. My last children, my last pregnancy, the pregnancy I thought would never happen because of being so damn infertile, and for having the hardest year(s) of my life, from the moment precious Eicca was born.

Many times, i just would cry and look at my son and not know how I could ever get him to grow and be ‘normal’. He is still small.. but this morning he ate toast. He is now 26+ months and still precious and amazing and I learn from him daily and he will be a great big brother, but his health concerns haven’t left us yet.

A month ago he started vomit and and was hospitalized.. he had Noro virus and RSV, both of which I also got. He was there with big man in that tiny fucking room for 7 days and they strengthened their bond, which is wonderful. Eicca now sees he can depend on his papa maybe even more so than his enormous mom 🙂 He lost 2lbs in a week and has yet to gain that back. He is still smaller than the average year old, but he is wonderful and beautiful.

Yesterday our friends brought over their 20lb 6 mo old. I’ve never seen such a fat child.The wrists were bulging, i couldnt get my fingers around his fat calves, it didnt seem normal. I had to look it up.. turns out, he’s ‘just’ in the 50th percentile for weight.. well.. fuck me. There are babies FATTER at 6 mo, holy shit!!

I worry about these 2. I know I can’t predict the future, I have no idea what things will bring. Mom is coming the 16th for 3 weeks. We will need the help.

As much complaining as I do, I wouldnt change my life for anything. I am so blessed, if I can say blessed as I am not a religious person what so ever but lucky I guess, that I have ONE amazing child, the light of my life. Let’s see what the future holds.. updates to come.

Last check the twins were measuring about 2.1kg each at 34 weeks, one head up one head down. For those of you out there wondering if FET will ever work, for us, it was the only thing that worked, after failed fresh cycles and and IUI ( even though the first IUI did work, but ended in m/c at 9 wks ). Hang in there my few readers, and know that things can happen!!

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So, its a new year, and where can i start.  Firstly, the defrosting of 6 embryos resulted in just 2. Seriously just 2 and they have a defrosting rate of 80% and that broke my fucking heart. How can we loose 4 really good looking embryos? In any case the 2 beautiful embryos that were transferred were enough and surprise surprise.. stuck! We are now 20 weeks pregnant with twins! Yep.. twins.. and for those of you on facebook.. no open congrats please, as we are planning on surprising the shit out of our friends by posting birth pictures.. so SHHHHH.

I’m doing fine. Lots of vomiting and nausea for about 17 weeks, even while walking to town, had to stop to puke a few times, which in -10’F weather isn’t ideal, but eh.. what can you do?

Our angel eicca.. oh he is learning so much, but alas his weight isnt increasing. He will be 2 in a few weeks, 2 weeks and he has gained exactly one pound all year! It’s heartbreaking and we just don’t know what to do, but he is starting to feed himself a bit. He even ate tortilla chips at a restaurant over xmas and enjoyed a bit of sushi rice from our traditional Christmas sushi, so there is ‘some’ improvement.

Last week was hard, after the weigh in i took him back to daycare where there were 2 new kids, a 14 mo old and an 18 month old both giant tanks of children. Walking, and enormous. I came home and cried and cried.  Then when i picked him up at 3 and they said he didnt eat a bite all day, i for the first time in months got very angry with him and threw his food. It’s shameful, it’s been MONTHS since i’ve let myself get THAT upset with him.

He cried and cried and when i picked him up he just hugged me. the biggest hug ever and didnt let me go.. i’m a crap mom. I just want my boy to be healthy. that’s all i ever wanted, for this amazing creature who is my whole world. I just break thinking of him, not being what he can be because of his infantile anorexia.

And thoughts go to the twins and how they might be like this too, and how oh how will i survive? I know i can, i have to, but how is the question i have now. Not to mention i have read on my multiples board of people loosing one twin and then the so very touching and well acted desperate housewives episode 6, 11 where lynette looses one twin. The whole scene was brilliantly done. From the feelings she goes through when she imagines him disabled, to the look on her face when he asks for a sandwhich, to he r wanting to pick up the mostard.. it was a very well played scene, only to end in her hearing the baby was lost. Just heartbreakingly well done.

We also gave our beloved puppy, well, 6 year old black lab, mikko to a loving family. They live far in the south but they are in their late 20s, no kids in a big house and have lots of love and time to give. We have neglected the sweet dog enough, and although he was eicca’s best buddy, we know it’s for the best, for mikko could not get the attention he deserves now, and it would be even less when the twins arrive.

We have had some mixed reactions to the announcement of the twins.  Some people are elated, some eh.. not so much. My aunt had the audacity to tell my mom that i must have ‘done something’ as twins don’t just happen, even though her own son and his gf had twins when they were just 19 years old…that just happened.. but we are not open with out fertility treatments,maybe never will be, and that is our choice, but the fact that she planted that seed. bitch. Not to mention she hasnt come out to congratulate us, on fb, or email or otherwise, nor have her daughters, my cousins. Big man’s brother too, hasn’t been jumping for joy.. and it makes me laugh really. All these not too jubilant  people live millions of miles away in california or holland and really their lives have been hardly effected by the arrival of eicca, and won’t be too disturbed by the twins, so what the fuck gives? why cant we just be happy for family’s sake?

That’s all right now in a nutshell. I have my big ultra sound on the 13th. Would love to find out the sexes and see that they are both okay. I’m getting huge, already gained 10kg, or 22lbs and i gained just 12kgthe whole pregnancy with eicca, but eh.. what can i do.

take are all of you, few people reading this.. take care!

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is just 2 hrs away. It’s scary. I hate that we have to go through this. I have no idea what to expect. According to some places we are just on target with numbers and times. Feeling inside my body is that nothing has changed and that I have not a symptom to be accounted for and that scares me too.

Wish us luck, apt is at 9:45.. let’s see, fingers crossing.. thinking the worst, hoping for the best!

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So, I took the blood test and surprised myself by bawling to the nurse drawing the blood. I guess it just hit me that this was so real. The most real things have gotten in 2 years and after all the hoping and wishing and money and time and tears and giving up sex and exercise and booze that this was it….

The nurse was more ‘realistic’ lets say than dr. riitta who is great, but the nurse said it doesn’t look good. Expect the worse. She doubts it will hang on and expect my period any minute now. Which of course I thought was a bit bleak, but maybe she has just seen this too many times.

Maybe it really just isn’t happening. I need a beta of at least 370 to be viable. She said if the beta comes back around 100, we might still have hope. Still continue the pops then do another beta fri or monday to see if the nrs have doubled.

So, until tomorrow afternoon ( when we definitely don’t expect the best ) I ask you to wish us luck, and keep us in your thoughts.

I just can’t believe this is happening.. I hate getting hopes up, but FUCK! Don’t we deserve this by now??

Thanks again for listening..


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Dentist today

Hi everyone,

This morning went to the student dentist. It’s waaay cheaper and considering how much we have spent on IVF, ICSI, FET, HCG, etc.. i thought we could save money. The place is great,clean nice Italian students.  I got the 24 year old guy from fair Verona. All went good, but I did feel a bit sad.

They showed me the health sheet from last year, last March and asked if everything was the same. Of course I wasn’t pregnant then.. and STILL am not..or I’m PUPO, and loosing faith.. so that was a sad moment.

Everything else is ok. DH has to have a colonoscopy tomorrow ( he’s only 35 ), but he’s had some unexplained pain the passed 2 years. We’ve been on the list for the colonoscopy for a year, so it’s strange it’s all happening this week. This week that we find out if this FET worked.

I am 8dp2dt. I feel nothing. Really, zip, bubkis  etc.. I wish for a sore boob. Some tingling nipples, nothin. I will remain quietly hopeful, but I did cycle up the big hill today. I usually do, force myself to burn a few more calories. But, last week I walked up it. SLOWLY. Today i cycled full force up it. I guess I have given up. Fuck!

I’m sad today about this. I so dearly thought that this might work. I don’t even wanna POAS. I think I will stop the pussy pops ( sorry! ) on the 14th day ( next Monday) and wait a day or 2 or AF. If she shows she shows, if not I can POAS. At least then I save money on the pregnancy tests right?? 🙂 Trying to keep the faith, yours


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Loosing hope..

I know, I know it’s sooo early still. But, here I am 4 days after FET, no sore boobs, no spotting, just some cramping ( which is probably from the bubble- the bubble that was made when the embryos were deposited. We could see the bubble high up in the uterus on the u/s, so we knew they were in there)

I just hate waiting. Today, I am home all day. An idle mind.. oh fuck what will I do. I have been completely engrossed in the book, Little Children, but, I’m almost done. Daytime tv in Finland leave MUCH to be desired. It’s usually just one hot chick standing in front of some kind of computer screen, hitting imaginary balls that people move by sending in text messages. Sound weird.. it is.. and fucking boring.

So, I have some work to do, but can’t vacuum ( damn..  yeah right ) and will go for my only exercise these days.. a long walk with a neighbor girl ( who’s 19, but very sweet. I am her Gothic grandmother. She’s much cooler and skinner than I was at 19 though. I had better make-up, but she is SO creative etc.. )

I know it’s too early to POAS (PEE ON A STICK); but I wonder how to get through this next week with no symptoms.. arg…

thanks for letting me vent.


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